Rant & News

Hello everybody,

I'm ba-ba-ba-back. No wait. I never said I was gone. Damn it. Missed the opportunity to do the whole going-away-and-coming-back farce some people tend to do here every once in a while to feel wanted, needed, popular and gain higher status, while also fighting their inferiority complex and small genitals. And I was gone long enough to make it even sound somewhat true. Oh, those blasted meddling kids and their stupid dog. It's all their fault! Either theirs or Wolper's.

Okay, let's do a little play. Assume I wrote a pissed off, whiny journal about how nobody loves me, everyone is mean to my art, my models, myself and even Baby Jesus himself. All this and the fact that milk got a few cent more expensive makes me delete all my submissions and leave dA. Now, don't leave this journal to check out my gallery. Let's just do it in some kind of reversed, paranoid version of Schroedinger's Cat, in which that cat, as long as you can't see it, must be dead and deleted. Take a few seconds to look around in your room, order a dry wodka martini or find a cure for the common cold. That should be enough time to feel sorry for me and let the urge to have me back again dwell up inside you.

Hey, I'm back! Did ya miss me? And take a look at my gallery (not now, later), it's all back again. Praise me!

Okay, I know this won't work on my watchers and anyone who reads my journals on purpose, 'cause you are all way to cool for being a lame groupie-zombie who'd go with this crap. No, you're uber-groupies! The best of the best. The once who'd survive any natural or unnatural selection. You're totally 1337!

Especially if you've read so far. Now, enough fooling around, here's the short version of what really happened. (Boring flashback part. Skip if you like. To make that easy, it's all in one paragraph. Art and other stuff will come after that.)

I needed a break. While I was suffering a bit from burning out around the turn of the year, I also had a little personal reason to stop opening this bookmark again. I just needed a little distance. I know, it wasn't nice to disappear like that, without any notice. But I never thought I'd be gone this long. The stress-level got down, but I still needed the distance part a bit longer. I could focus more on some projects, but that didn't turn out good as well. Working with other people has it's ups and downs. Working with me as well. I still had some spare time, but didn't feel like coming back already. Good opportunity to do something that was long over-due. Reorganising my life. Lemme tell you, using a calendar and a notepad (analogue or digital) can reeeaaally help. Even if you don't use the calendar for everything, it helps a lot just by giving your mental calendar some structure. And I sure don't have to tell you about the benefits of writing down ideas. They now stick with me way better and in greater detail than before. Only problem now is, that I have to many. After seeing everything I do, should do and want to do, spread out clearly before me…I was bluntly hit by the fact, that I have even less time than I assumed beforehand. With that, achieving anything would become nearly impossible. So I started to scrap things or put them on Maybe-Someday list. I tried to get a good mix of must, should and want. But some things were hard to let go. The best example would be Collected Light. Yes, for those who don't already know, I cancelled the project. It just didn't work out the way I planned. Law is way to difficult and communication with the contributors as well. And to top that all, there was my time problem and my weak organizational skills. (To say that it's mostly my fault prolly isn't that far away from the truth.) But have a look at the project page for a bit more detailed version if you're interested. Okay, life was reorganised, hard and painful decisions have been made, but why didn't I log in back on dA? Well, to tell the truth, I did. I've been checking the site at least weekly. But I didn't want to do anything here until I wrote this journal. I knew this would be a long one and that kinda freaked me off. (Yeah, even I can be freaked off by the idea of writing long texts.) And it took me way too long to get my ass up to do so. But now it's done (at least after I post it).

Now, let's talk about art or whatever you'd call the stuff I post here. Yes, I still do that. Yes, I do photography. Not much though, I have to admit. I guess the reason is, that I'm not as easily thrilled anymore by the stuff I see here. Saw it all, captured most, posted some of it, but now? I need a change. Or at least a little refreshment. A chance to recharge my photo-battery. I have a few methods in mind. Getting new models for example or going on a little trip. UK (maybe London) would be nice. Or Amsterdam (the nearest city with a wagamama). Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe I can even find someone to keep me company on the trip and/or the location. Any volunteers?

But that doesn't mean I'm lazy till I get that done. Nope, I'm working on a new old medium. Look at the book I'm reading atm. Yes, it's true, I want to become like Tom Dickson. Ah, no wait, wrong one. Well, of course I want to be like Tom (who doesn't?), but what I'm talking about, is the 3D content creation suite Blender. This way I can try out many things that have been lingering in my head for ages. But more about 3D and stuff in the next journal.

New submissions hopefully coming soon. For now, I guess I'll be busy to catch up with 7,300 deviations and 2,128 messages (mostly journals). Gee, that could take a little while. Maybe I should leave some groups… we'll see.

To say it again, I'm back. Missed dA and it's members (that's you... more or less, find out for yourself). And I'm curious to find out who missed me as well .



Random thing about me you most likely didn't know (and probably don't even care) about.
I like to be prepared. That's why I still carry around a couple of Pfenning dimes in my purse, in case I have an emergency and stumble over the only phone left in good old Germany, that they forgot to set to Euros after the currency changeover (which happened several years ago). To make that even more ridicules, I don't own a phonecard.



Quote
Women's most simple way to overcome their self-admitted fear of commitment is by getting engaged to another guy as quickly as possible.
- me